just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
