Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he quoted the bible to break up with me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
