She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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