I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
