hell yes lets make some ravioli
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
