Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
