the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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