Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
