please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
