Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
