you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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