We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
