Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
