apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
