How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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