pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
