I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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