i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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