Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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