You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
