just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
