So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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