I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
