He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
