totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
