I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
