she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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