i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
