Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
