her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
