I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
