somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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