hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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