had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
