Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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