a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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