There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i came on her dog
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
