it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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