The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
