Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
