Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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