Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
