do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
