I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
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