I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
