Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
