I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
