Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
