you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is Oprah even human
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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