bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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