I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
