Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
