1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
