I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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