yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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